Sunday, May 20, 2012

The Dumbest Thing You Can Say To A Cop

Cabrera Detroit Tiger's first baseman Miguel Cabrera was arrested in Florida under suspicion of driving under the influence and then resisting arrest in a non-violent fashion.

According to the police report they found Cabrera, 27, sitting on the side of the road in his car which had a smoking engine. When they approached the vehicle to question him he could have played it cool, but no. He swigged from a bottle of Scotch in front of them. Doh! Bad baseball player, bad!

Cabrera then went from dumb to prima-donna when he allegedly said to officers, 'Do you know who I am?"

Oh no, man. That is such a played out move. I know you are a super star on the rise, dude, and I am from Detroit and a Tiger's fan but unless you are Tiger Woods or Mel Gibson, I don't think that line works just yet.

Here are 5 better things to say to a cop when you have found yourself in a compromising and very, very guilty-looking situation:

5. "Are you a baseball fan? Because if you are, I've got six tickets to the World Series with your name on 'em."

4. "Officers, thank GOD you arrived. I've been stranded for five days just like that old man in Arizona and when the windshield wiper fluid ran out, I had to sustain myself on Scotch."

3." I am so, so sorry. You see, in Detroit there are no laws."

2. "I have no idea what happened. I was hanging out with Charlie Sheen and then I just woke up here on the side of the road. Where'd Charlie go?"

1. "I'm still really, really broken up over Sparky Anderson and Ernie Harwell because they were legends and class-acts and I have really big shoes to fill if I am going to be part of the Tiger's legacy and so I had a few drinks because I'm young and it's nerve-wracking. Can you blame me?"

The police might have taken it a little easier on you if you had said that.

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