Thursday, October 17, 2013

Dumbest Criminals of All Time (Part 4)

Concluding this 4-parts series with another 18 criminals worth mentioning. This is the final of a 4-part series, a total of 108 criminals in all.... 

After being arrested for attempted armed robbery, Christopher R. Voorhis, pictured, admitted that he was intoxicated, had a knife and was bent on stealing beer from a BP station, according to the report of his court appearance in Ocala, Fla. But Voorhis, 26, doesn't understand why the store owner beat him with a pipe, saying, "I was just trying to steal a beer, not money." The owner who wielded the pipe says that Voorhis did demand money. Voorhis says he was beaten about six times on his body, chased out of the store and the owner clobbered his car a few times, so hard that an airbag popped out. Seems Vooris thinks robbers should only be pursued indoors saying, "I understand the man was upset, but he could've stopped when I left the store" and "I thought he went overboard."  

In April 2009, Benva Oshana Lazar, 56, pleaded no-contest to six non-sex related misdemeanor battery charges as part of a plea bargain, after women patients told police that Lazar had touched their breasts during routine dental exams and procedures under the guise of performing a breast-cancer examination. Thanks to the plea bargain, he received a 9-month jail sentence, which he had been serving for four days, when two more former patients came forward charging that they too had been touched, shall we say "south of the mouth." This time, one of the patients was a 14-year-old girl, and the plea bargain was history. Lazar has now been arraigned on a grand jury indictment of lewd and lascivious acts on a 14-year-old as well as two counts of sexual battery by fraud. If convicted, he could serve up to eight years and have to register as a sex offender. 

John Prentis (pictured) is accused of kicking in the office door of the Chief of Police at the Elmwood Place Police Department in Ohio and making off with $1,000 from an evidence room. According to the police report, Prentis cleverly thought to wipe his fingerprints off the doorknob when he left the scene of the crime, but police never dusted for prints because the entire incident was taped by the surveillance cameras. Prentis was arrested and is expected to face charges that include breaking and entering. "Everything together just points to how dumb he was. America's dumbest criminals," noted Elmwood Place Chief William Peskin. "He would make the number one on the Top Ten countdown."

According to police in Salem, N.H., Samantha Medina, (left) called mall security and police on a Saturday night to report that the marijuana sale she was attempting to make had gone sour. Medina, 17, complained that two food court employees, 17-year-old Vincent Brown (center) and 21-year-old Danielle Fiore (right), took her $40 bag of pot, but then slammed the door of the D'Angelo food stand on her, and refused to pay her. Medina was charged with sale of a controlled substance and Brown and Fiore were both charged with possession.

Ezrakiah John Rowlinson, 33, told off cops online and dared them to catch him for his alleged use of fraudulent checks. As a result of posting his obscenely-worded dare, Rowlinson was nabbed and is now in the Hennepin County Jail in Minnesota on charges of fleeing a police officer. Authorities in Iowa have also booked him for forgery and theft and now three separate police agencies are investigating him.

A guest appearance on the Dr. Phil show led to the arrests of Matthew Allan Eaton, 34, and his wife Laura, 26, on federal charges of e-fencing. The couple announced to a TV audience of five million that they would roam from state to state shoplifting toys and other items, sometimes bringing their kids along for the heists, and would then sell the booty on the internet. Dr. Phil asked "I'm no lawyer or a cop...but isn't that a federal crime?" As it happens a federal grand agreed with his conclusions, and charged the pair with "moving stolen goods across state lines." When asked why the couple agreed to participate in what seems to have been a taped confession on national television, Matthew Eaton said "I think it's something to help us stop." 

After an intruder broke into a woman's home in Martinsville West Virginia, the victim was able to crack the case on her own when she realized that, Jonathan G. Parker, 19, had used her computer to check his Facebook account during the burglary and hadn't logged out. To make matters worse for Parker, a friend of the victim knew where he was staying in the area. Parker allegedly stole two diamond rings worth over $3,500. He was being held in the Eastern Regional Jail and faces up to 10 years in prison.

Dennis Lottig (pictured) was arrested in West Virgina for stealing four security cameras from the City National Bank in St. Albans, according to police. Unfortunately for Lottig, 33, he didn't think to steal the tapes that were recording him as he allegedly committed the crime. After reviewing the footage police were able to ID the perp on sight.
According to a Marion County,Fla. Sheriff's report, Ocala resident and motorcycle rider Dante Krauss (pictured) was arrested while riding his motorcycle and not wearing a helmet.
Or a shirt.
Or shoes.
Or pants.
Or underwear.
Krauss could not explain to police why he wasn't wearing any clothes, and his only recollection was that he had gone to a Hooters restaurant earlier that evening. A breathalyzer test determined his blood alcohol content was at least twice the legal limit.

Dalia Dippolito, 26, came home one morning to find crime scene tape in front of her home and the news that her husband of six months had been had been shot in the head twice and killed. When she heard about her husband's tragic death, Dippolito was extremely distraught, as seen on this police video. But it turns out she was just acting. In fact, everyone in the video was acting: Dippolito had hired a hit man to kill her husband. The man contacted to help her find the hitman was in cahoots with the police and the officers comforting her staged the "crime scene" and are actually leading her away to jail on a felony solicitation to commit first-degree murder charge. Boyton Beach police led the black widow to the station, where her "dead" husband was waiting for her 

Maverick pot dealers Steven Hendricks and Kewon Johnson were ready to make their score. They called the number and asked to buy a pound of marijuana. They called back and forth several times to arrange the sale. The only problem with their arrangement was that they made it with a cop. The officer didn't recognize the number when he picked up the call in his squad car. Turning down the police radio, he said he would be glad to help the caller make his buy. When Hendricks and Johnson saw police at the designated meeting place, the two fled on foot. After a brief chase, they were detained and searched. Though the men had only a small amount of marijuana on them, they were carrying $3,060 in counterfeit bills, presumably for payment, and were promptly arrested. St. Cloud Police Sergeant Martin Sayre said he had never heard of real criminals making it so easy to arrest them, "I've always seen it on TV," he said, "like on shows like, World's Dumbest Criminals." 

Sock Puppet Bandit
On November 6, 2011, an unidentified stocky, blue-eyed man, 35-45, and about six-feet tall, entered a Burger King in the Florida Keys wearing khaki shorts, sneakers and a brown sock on his hand. He brandished his sock hand and, saying that he had a gun, tried to rob the fast-food restaurant, "open the register and give me the (expletive) money," he said, according the offense report. He added "I got a gun or I'll shoot you." The manager told the assailant that he had to get the cash register key and walked away. The drive-through attendant heard the exchange and after the robber said, "Hey, don't do anything like call the cops," the employee asked a customer at the drive-through to call 911, at which point, the failed robber fled. 

A Colorado woman was robbed outside a convenience store gas station on December 20, 2011, by an armed man at around 10:30 p.m. The assailant reportedly approached her and aggressively demanded her purse and the keys to her 2004 Audi sedan. She quickly complied, and her assailant hopped behind the wheel and started the engine. However, it seems he was unable to put the stick-shift transmission into gear. He jumped out of the car and ran off into the night. Police have released a sketch of the alleged would-be car thief. 

The General Lee?
A man in an orange Dodge Charger, that was pretty much pulled straight out of the TV series Dukes of Hazzard, led Houston police on a 120 m.p.h. chase after they clocked him going 110, and tried to pull him over. Though he was temporarily able to lose the cops, officers found the vehicle parked at his home, knocked on the door, and were told by his girlfriend that he was in the shower. When they got him out of the shower to arrest him, according to Fox26, he told them that he had not wanted to stop because he had marijuana in his possession and had not wanted his car to be towed. So he was arrested and charged with felony evading arrest and possession of marijuana, and his car was towed. 

Dressed to Confess
If a man accused of a crime wants to make a good impression on the judge at a court hearing, he should wear clean-cut, professional attire. If, however, his goal is to make a mind-bogglingly misguided attempt at "sticking it to the man," he should wear the jacket shown in the photo. Florida man Christopher Patterson, 25, was in court on January 6 for a hearing in his felony narcotics case. Instead of slacks and a button-down, he wore a baggy sweatshirt decorated with a cartoon crack-making manual and the words "STACK PAPER SAY NOTHING." The illustrated guide to crack cookery includes spoons, baking soda, and fire. The hoodie also features a zipper pull shaped like a tiny handgun. The offensive item, a closeup of which can be seen here, caused public commotion in Houston in December, after a news report drew attention to the fact that it was being sold at a local discount retailer. The Smoking Gun reports that Patterson's legal troubles stem from a December, 2010, arrest, in which he and a codefendant allegedly sold 50 Oxycodone pills to an undercover officer.

Hell No! I Won't Go!
Martin Batieni Kombate, 44, was arrested last week on trespassing charges. Kombate was scheduled to be released on his own recognizance on January 23, 2012, but when an escort came to free him, he refused to leave, saying he could not find his wallet. Kombate resisted attempts to free him and according to Gerry Blair, spokesman for the Coconino County Sheriff's Office, became disorderly. Kombate was consequently arrested. He remains in jail. We hope he finds his wallet.  

Insurance Hand-Off
Gerald B. Hardin, 34, of Cayce, SC., is charged with six crimes, including mail fraud, for allegedly cutting off a friend's hand with a pole saw to collect insurance money. According to federal indictments, Hardin and another man, who is also charged, cut off a man's hand in 2008 and collected over $670,000 from a homeowner's insurance policy and three death and dismemberment policies. If convicted, Hardin could spend up to 20 years in prison and pay $250,000 in fines. 

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home from Jail
Florida career criminal Miguel Angel Esquilin, had just been released from jail on February 2, 2012, and was on his way home, when he decided to snatch some hooch from ABC Fine Wine & Spirits to celebrate occasion. His plan was going fine until the store clerk Stewart Kofman noticed a bottle of Jack Daniels stuffed inside Esquilin's shirt. When confronted and asked to return the bottle, Esquilin decided to tough it out and reportedly yelled angrily at the Kofman. When Kofman and the store's manager, Yaminah Sutton, tried to block Esquilin's exit, he fought back, pushing Kofman through a display, and apparently, dropping all his stuff: bottle, bag, and, unfortunately for him, his police booking photo complete with name and jail number.

Source :

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...