Monday, October 14, 2013

Dumbest Criminals of All Time (Part 3)

Let us continue on with this 4-parts series with another 30 criminals worth mentioning. This is the third of a 4-part series, a total of 108 criminals in all....

Three men were arrested for allegedly kidnapping a New Jersey man and driving him nearly 1,200 miles across the country. But apparently the thugs had captured the wrong man, one with the same name. Douglas Stangeland, 46 (pictured), Andrew Wadel, 21, and Lonnie Swarnes, 44, allegedly abducted Jeff Muller, 59, as he was opening his pet supply store in January 2010. According to Muller, the men shot him with a stun gun, bound and stuffed him into a car and then took off for their home state of Missouri. The already-botched plot spun completely out of control when a convenience store owner saw Muller trying to escape and called cops. Vernon County, Mo., police, who call the men "bumbling idiots" say the kidnapping may be connected to a Missouri home invasion in November 2009, when the same three suspects armed and masked allegedly shot the president of a construction company as they hunted for someone by the name of Jeff Muller in connection with a "business arrangement." Authorities say Muller seems to be innocent, with no known ties to the kidnappers. Investigators are examining the possibility he was a victim of mistaken identity. It's still unclear if the intended target even lived in New Jersey. Stangeland, Wadel, and Swarnes were extradited back to New Jersey and charged with kidnapping, which carries a minimum of 20 years behind bars.

State troopers hit the DUI trifecta when they pulled over Roxanna Hawkins, pictured, for speeding. Not only did she allegedly reek of alcohol she was also wearing a home confinement bracelet and carrying a stolen police badge. Hawkins, 39, was stopped in January 2010 on I-77 in West Virginia. The trooper claimed she had alcohol on her breath and failed a field sobriety test. But Hawkins said she hadn't been drinking and blamed the failure on a leg injury. Hawkins could have been impaired by the ankle bracelet she was wearing at the time, since she was currently serving a home confinement sentence for the five DUI charges she'd racked up over the past two years. The trooper also found a stolen Putnam County Sheriff's Deputy badge in her purse. Hawkins was charged with felony DUI and driving while revoked for DUI.

Travis McKeaveney (left) and Ryan Densmore (right) allegedly stole car parts from several local automotive businesses in Brandford, Conn., in January 2010. But they got lost as they were trying to flee with the loot and decided to ask a uniformed cop for directions to Interstate 91. As they pulled away, the officer became suspicious when he noticed their rear license plate was covered by a paper towel. He pulled them over and found metal cutting saws with blades and eight catalytic converters. Densmore, 23 and McKeaveney, 24 were charged with larceny and burglary.

When police in Carroll, Iowa, received a 911 call in October 2009 reporting two men, disguised with black paint on their faces, were trying to break into an apartment, they had no idea that their day would end in a great big laugh. Upon reporting to the crime scene, cops say they found Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller, pictured, fleeing in a getaway car. And yes, those brilliant disguises are nothing more than a hastily-applied permanent marker. The dynamic duo was booked with second-degree attempted burglary. McNelly (left) was also charged with DWI.

A Ohio man who had sex with his metal picnic table on his deck multiple times between January and March 2008 was sentenced to six months in jail. Art Price Jr, pictured, admitted to this. A tipster dropped off three DVD's showing this. And according to cops, he also admitted to having intercourse with the table inside the home. In fact, if the married father of three had not decided to take his amour outside of the house, which happens to be in plain view of an elementary school, chances are that he could've continued to see his flat-chested friend indefinitely. Instead, thanks to the mysterious Deep Throat of the lawn furniture world, and the tireless work of the police, Art is off to prison. 

Duane Randall was arrested in Sparks, Nev., in January 2010 after allegedly stealing a car. The victim flagged down police, who quickly found Randall, pictured. Randall took off running through the freshly fallen snow, cops say, leaving a trail of footprints in his wake; he also discarded rifle rounds from his pocket as he tried to flee. Officers found him hiding in a trailer storage yard and sent a police dog to drag Randall out. Randall was taken to the hospital where he was treated for injuries. He was later charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, obstruction and several misdemeanor warrants.

Athens, Ga., police say Michael Anthony Randall Jr., pictured, shot himself above the ankle with a sawed-off shotgun just as he was about to rob a convenience store in December 20009. People pumping gas outside the Bulldog Corner store heard a gunshot Sunday night. Randall limped over to a woman and asked for a ride to the hospital because he had accidentally shot himself. But, when officers arrived Randall, 19, claimed someone else did it, but he didn't know who. After reviewing surveillance tape, investigators concluded that Randall had his finger on the trigger of the shotgun, concealed beneath his coveralls, and it went off when he tried to withdraw the weapon.

Kerrville, Texas, police say Elsa Benson, pictured, allegedly called 911 in December 2009, and hung up, only to call again and scream incoherently into the phone. Officers said when they arrived at Benson's home she smelled strongly of alcohol and told them she called 911 because her husband refused to eat his supper. She was also allegedly yelling "about things that happened two weeks ago." Police claimed Benson had called 911 about 30 times over the previous six months for non-emergency reasons. In one case, she reported she couldn't find her clothes. Benson was charged with 911 abuse, and held on $1,000 bond. 

Sheriff's Deputies in Martin County, Fla., in August 2009 said they found over 1,000 images of child pornography on the home computer of Keith R. Griffin (pictured). Griffin's excuse? His cat downloaded the images while Griffin was out of the house. If true, Griffin, 48, owned the cleverest yet most disturbed tabby in the world. Griffin allegedly admitted that he "enjoyed" looking at a variety of pornographic images. Griffin was charged with possession of child porn. No word yet on the feline's fate.

Stanley Wright, 49, in May 2009 stuffed hundreds of dollars of clothes under his shirt and into his pants and then filled out a job application using his real name and phone number before leaving the store, according to police in Dayton, Ohio.

When Diana Martinez was robbed by three men on the north side of Columbus, Ohio, in September 2009, she never expected to see any of the robbers again. That was one reason she was so surprised when two hours later, 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett (pictured) showed up at Martinez's home, also the scene of the crime. According to police, Martinez "recognized him [as one of the alleged robbers] right away and was able to get her cousin to call 911." So what was he doing there? According to both police and Martinez, Bennett returned to the home of the woman he allegedly robbed earlier that evening, and asked two things: if she had a boyfriend and if she would like to go out on a date with him. 

A Hillsboro, Ky., father and son both wound up behind bars after police say they stole a rare lizard then tried hawking it for liquor. David Martt (pictured right), 44, and his 18-year-old son, Harley D. Martt (left), allegedly stole an 18-inch bearded dragon named "Big" from The Eagles Landing Pet Hospital in December 2009. One of the men distracted the staff by pretending to make an appointment for a puppy while the other nabbed the reptile, according to police. The ruse was all caught on videotape. First, the duo allegedly tried, unsuccessfully, to sell the reptile at JB's Gun and Pawn; then they went to a nearby liquor store to swap the exotic pet for alcohol. Officers apprehended them a short time later. The Martts were both charged with theft by unlawful taking under $500.

Larry Ticey, pictured, was in hot water after allegedly breaking into an East Texas home in October 2009. Ticey allegedly kicked in the front door of a Tyler house around 3:30 a.m. The victim was able to make a clean getaway through the back door and call the cops. When officers arrived they were surprised to find Ticey, 25, naked and bathing in the tub. Officers say that while he gave them a bit of a struggle, Ticey was eventually arrested and charged with criminal trespassing. 

Shawnee, Okla., police arrested Mindy Renee Jones, pictured, on DUI charges in December 2009 after she allegedly clipped another car and tried to drive away. She wasn't hurt, but officers took her to the hospital for a routine drug and alcohol test, where according to reports, she appeared to "pass out" in an examination room. Only she didn't pass out. She escaped the hospital and hopped into an empty ambulance, leading Oklahoma state troopers on a 50-mile chase. Jones, 28, finally pulled over into someone's front yard and, according to cops, explained that the whole thing was caused by her desire to see an ex-boyfriend. Mindy also talked to a local television station and said, "I had the ambulance and I had a pretty good time driving it." Jones was charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, driving under the influence, attempting to elude police, leaving the scene of an accident, transporting an open container of alcohol and larceny.

Less than an hour after being released from a county jail, a Kentucky couple was arrested for allegedly stealing candy and a hat from police headquarters. Thirty-two year old Derek Kidd, pictured, and girlfriend Sunni Morgan, 23, had just been released from jail in December 2009 after being arrested for disorderly conduct, when police noticed them asking people on the street to use their cell phones. Officers invited them back into the station to make their call. While Morgan was on the line, Kidd allegedly sneaked into a detective's break room and pilfered a tobaggon hat and two Whatchamacallit candy bars. Afterwards, Morgan asked cops what her boyfriend did to warrant the second arrest. The officer told her, "he was arrested for being stupid." The official charges were theft and possession of drug abuse instruments.

A St. Martin, Miss., couple allegedly found Christopher Paul Silga, pictured, asleep on their sofa in December 2009, snuggling with a teddy bear. The couple, who described Silga as "very intoxicated" and "spaced out," pushed him out the front door and called the cops. Responding officers say they spotted Silga, 34, driving his vehicle, weaving in and out of traffic and plowing through a row of mailboxes. Silga allegedly told the officers he only "had two crown and Cokes, but they were big ones." He also told police he thought he had fallen asleep at his girlfriend's house, which is in a different town. Silga was charged with trespassing and driving under the influence. No word on what happened to the bear.

Police say Chandler Westfield Eakes, pictured, was flashing a sign outside the BI-LO Saturday store in Hartsville, S.C., that read, "Will trade sex for beer" in December 2009. Eakes, 27, was arrested and released the following day on a $1,300 bond. He allegedly told cops he was serious about the offer, although it appears that no one took Eakes up on it.

Sarah Nicole Fowke, pictured, was arrested for using a man's season ski pass at a Colorado resort. Her excuse? She was in the middle of a sex change operation! Fowke was allegedly using a pass that identified her as Nicholas Hemstreet. But when Keystone employees became suspicious, they investigated her true identity. The Summit County Sheriff's office was called in and Fowke explained the discrepancy by claiming she was in the middle of a sex change operation and her family had disowned her. So the cops decided to call the family to confirm the sad story. Well, you can just imagine how shocked Mr. Hemstreet was to learn his son Nick was planning gender reassignment. Eventually Nick Hemstreet admitted to police he had given the pass to Fowke, his girlfriend. When Fowke finally confessed, she was taken into custody and charged with theft over $500 and criminal impersonation.

In November 2009, Donald Crawford, pictured, phoned 911 around 1:15am after he left Sassy Kat's Show Club, an Indiana strip club, to report his truck stolen and kid missing. Here's a little 911 excerpt:
Dispatcher: Were you in a business or something?
Crawford: No, I was at whatever this little strip club is.
Dispatcher: You left him in the truck to wait for you?
Crawford: He was sleeping.

But, according to reports, when the officers arrived, they found the truck right where he left it outside of the bar. Police say he was just simply too drunk to remember where it was parked. Police found Crawford's son inside, watching cartoons on TV. The keys were in the ignition and the door was unlocked. A bartender told cops Crawford had been inside the club drinking for 45 minutes. Crawford was charged with felony neglect and public intoxication. 

Vincent E. Salters, pictured, allegedly stole five left shoes from a Knoxville, Tenn., store in November 2009, racing out of the shop with the pilfered items jammed in his jacket and pockets. The right shoes all being out on display. The next day, employees called cops when they said they spotted Salters, 46, outside the store. Ironically, he was barefoot. Salters was charged with theft under $500, simple assault and public intoxication.

Matthew Maynard, of Swansea, Wales allegedly taunted police with his own mugshot, then got clipped while getting clipped. In November 2009, police released a photo of Maynard, left, in connection with a burglary investigation, and asked the public to help locate him. Maynard responded by calling a local newspaper to complain that the photo was "unflattering." Maynard took a picture of himself in front of a police van and sent it to the daily. He made the front page. Maynard then popped into his usual barbershop, just a short distance from the police station, to have a quick trim. A passerby recognized him instantly and called cops, who arrested the fugitive mid-cut.

Elizabeth Thrasher was arrested after allegedly posting a false, sexually suggestive Craigslist ad using the actual photograph, cell phone number and place of employment of the teenage daughter of a woman who was dating her ex-husband. Thrasher retaliated after receiving a MySpace message from the teen telling her to "grow up," according to Missouri police. 

Anthony Carrazco, pictured, of Brownsville, Texas, is charged with trying to sell three ounces of marijuana door-to-door. His sales strategy went astray when he knocked on one door too many - one that belonged to an off-duty police officer. The cop told the teenager he would be right back. And he was; with his badge and handcuffs. Oh, and the dumb luck doesn't end for this lad. Carrazco was allegedly trying to hawk his wares near the University of Texas, a drug-free and weapon-free zone, making the charges even more serious. 

Dumb Move #1: Calvin Hoover, pictured, made an angry 911 call early Tuesday morning from a Salem, Ore., bar parking lot to report someone broke into his truck, stole his jacket, $400 in cash and about an ounce of marijuana, according to police.
Dumb Move #2: Hoover made a second 911 call about an hour later, police say. He was really angry that the cops hadn't yet shown up to help him. The dispatcher had a little trouble understanding the "victim" this time, however, because Hoover had to stop several times during the call to vomit.
Dumb Move #3: When the cops did in fact catch up to Hoover, the 21-year-old allegedly told them he was looking for the guys that stole his weed.
He was arrested for DUI

In July 2009, Danten Hallman, pictured, allegedly drove back into a Super Walmart parking lot moments after witnesses saw him snatch a woman's purse out of her car and drive away, according to police in North Richland Hills, Texas. Hallman, 20, reportedly had only been gone for a few minutes when his Honda pulled back into the lot where police were still questioning the woman. Cops say his car smelled of marijuana. 

Police in Yukon, Okla., won the dumb drug deal lottery last week when a suspected drug dealer accidentally dialed 911 in the midst of discussing sales of illicit narcotics. Dispatchers realized what was happening at the other end of the phone line and quickly determined where the call had originated. Police arriving on the scene say they found 514 prescription pills and ecstasy pills, 70.5 grams of marijuana and 2.2 grams of a "white powdery substance." Street value on the dope was $20,000. Mark Alan Clair (pictured left) and Shannon Blake McAlister (right) were arrested on numerous drug charges.

Two Naples, Fla., men allegedly took their craving for a good steak to a whole new level in November 2009, and their getaway was an udder failure. Terry Joseph Hartline (pictured) and Erik Tillman allegedly shot and butchered a neighbor's cow, stole the hind legs and back of the carcass and took them home, according to deputies with the Collier County Sheriff. Deputies discovered the carcass on the side of the road. It didn't take them long to find the suspects. There were drag marks that led them from the scene to Hartline's residence and onto Tillman's adjacent property, where they found more bovine bits. If that wasn't enough evidence, deputies also say Tillman was still in his bloody clothes. Both men were charged with grand theft livestock.

In November 2009, police in California arrested a clerk who worked at the Simi Valley Family Christian Book Store for allegedly peeping at patrons with a video camera. Joseph David Ramon Moreaux, pictured in his MySpace profile, was busted when a customer called police after finding the camera rolling in the store's bathroom. But how did cops know Moreaux, 28, was the culprit who planted the camera? Let's go to the videotape: Police say the clerk inadvertently recorded himself hiding the device in the bathroom between boxes. Moreaux was issued a citation and released. 

36-year-old Julia E. Laack (pictured) from Sheboygan, Wis. was allegedly caught on a security camera in October 2009 shoplifting from a convenience store, police say they followed her home and attempted to handcuff her when she stripped down to her bra and panties and started screaming that they couldn't arrest a naked woman. After Laack stripped down, cops say she did something else that was unlikely to endear her to them; she kicked one of officers in the crotch. Laack was charged with misdemeanor retail theft, felony battery of a peace officer, two counts of disorderly conduct and resisting an officer. 

Adam J. Manning (pictured) was with his partner at the McKay-Dee Hospital in Utah while she was in labor; Manning's attention was diverted from Lamaze breathing to the attractive nurse assisting the birth; soon he was looking her "up and down and [making] an observation about her appearance...about how cute she looks," according to Ogden police. Manning then told the nurse that it appeared as if her neck was in pain; he gave her a brief massage before sticking his hand down her uniform and touching her breast, police said. Police arrested Manning on suspicion of felony forcible sexual abuse. His child was born while he was waiting in the Weber County jail.

Source :

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...