Monday, May 13, 2013

Will You Forgive?

What if you understand that if you are truly repentant and do your bit in asking forgiveness, that’s all that is needed? Seeking forgiveness is a way to let go of guilt and move on in life. Sadly, this realisation mostly seeps in when we are ourselves in trouble. Ranbir gets the first setback of his life when he is rejected by Deepika Padukone. It is then, when his heart breaks, that he realises how cruel he was to the two girls he ditched along the way. Racked by guilt, he proves his mettle by travelling across continents to seek them out and make his peace with them. 

As expected, the task is not easy and he has to face much humiliation before he achieves his motive. And yet, the moment he is able to do this, he is rewarded in his own life as well and Deepika falls into his arms. In Rock On too, Farhan and Arjun are able to come to terms with themselves and with their lives only when they let the past go and forgive each other. Astrologer Sunita Chabra talks of the importance of forgiving oneself. Even if you are not in a position to ask forgiveness of the person you wronged, there are ways of atoning and so being able to absolve yourself of guilt, she says. And that's important if we are to allow life to flow on in a positive manner. 

As I sat chatting with a colleague, we were surprised by a mutual friend who walked up and unabashedly asked her forgiveness for a past misdemeanor. He admitted he had been wrong four years ago and regretted it. She sat stunned, while I fairly glowed with admiration. 

In Bachna Ae Haseeno, Ranbir Kapoor seeks out the two women he spurned and tries to make whatever amends he can for past wrongs. Having ditched them both unceremoniously years ago, he now re-enters their lives and begs forgiveness. In fact, he pursues them till they finally forgive him! In Rock On, Farhan Akhtar and Arjun Rampal bury the hatchet from the past and give life another chance. 

Indeed, making amends seems to be flavour of the season. Quite a difficult task that, for making amends or asking forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. Only the bravest can bring themselves to sincerely ask forgiveness. In fact, it may be easier to forgive another than to be in the position of asking forgiveness yourself. 

To give a new twist to Alexander Pope’s much exploited quote, “To forgive is human; to ask for forgiveness Divine.” To apologise means to accept one’s mistake first, to admit to oneself the wrong done. That’s difficult enough, but then comes the tougher step of overcoming one’s ego to seek forgiveness from the person one wronged. 

They say the three most difficult things to say are “I love you”; “Help me” and “I am sorry”. For these three statements expose your deepest vulnerabilities, thus leaving you open to hurt. What your experience is hereafter would depend on how your emotion is received by the other party. That's what makes it most difficult to apologise, because you wouldn’t know what to expect - anger, derision, hatred, malice, deep hurt or a ready forgiveness! But what if we rise above that vulnerability and decide that the expression of regret is more for ourselves than for anybody else? 

Of course one encounters people who pay lip service to atonement, by merely mouthing words, without meaning them. As all of us have experienced, such people are pretty easy to recognise. Their apology is more a way of shutting you up and not giving you the chance to accuse them. “Ok, sorry, sorry, that fine?” A very frustrating experience indeed! What then is the best way to apologise? Simple. Mean it first, then say it like you mean it. Just apologise genuinely. Look the person in the eye and frankly accept that you were at fault and regret it today. Understand that the other person would more often than not be unprepared for the apology and wouldn’t always be able to respond with similar generosity immediately. Don’t take offence; allow time for this to seep in. But your task is done... 

Well ... Well .......   Let's come out from reel life to real life.
Is it possible in practical life to forgive a person who had hurt you in the past?

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