Original source :
http://www.digitalbusstop.com
Posted : September
2010
Author : the admin
Sometimes comic
book writers come up with a great character – the powers are all there, the
backstory, the design – and then they go to name them. Now, I’m not
talking about their real name, but their alter-ego. Sometimes all the
amazing powers in the world don’t matter when you saddle a character with a
terrible name. Sometimes they fix this for the character down the line,
but often the character is stuck with this name for as long as they’re in
print. Here are some of the best (worst) ones I could think of.
A self-named
character that realized he was making a joke choosing the name, the fact that the
writers thought it was amusing is the sad thing. There’s a reason that
almost everybody in the world of X-Men calls him Guido (his first name) instead
of Strong Guy, many of them refusing to call him that on the basis of its
stupidity.
Toad
Ok, so he’s not a
superhero so much as a villain, but work with me here. While the name is
appropriate given his real name, Mortimer Toynbee, and his powers, it’s still a
terrible name. The fact that he lets himself be saddled with it in the
story just feeds into his boot-licker image and is probably why nobody in the
comics or out of them really respects him.
Jubilee
Never mind that
she’s also sporting some incredibly bad powers (back when she had them
anyways), but her real name is Jubilation Lee. They really just yanked
out the -ation and gave her a name. Her superhero name sounds more like a
childhood nickname than anything to be called on the field of battle, and in
fact almost everybody – superhero, villain, and random man on the street, all
call her Jubilee.
Martian Manhunter
One of those that
you can respect the powers, but the name is just lacking. While Batman
and Superman are still referred to by their alter-egos even by those that know
them as Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent,
I don’t think anybody has ever called Martian Manhunter anything but J’onn
J’onzz. If nobody calls you by your superhero name, it’s sorta time to
abandon it.
Captain (Insert
Name Here)
With the exception
of Captain America,
anybody named “Captain…” is foolish. Given that I’m pretty sure none of
them are actual Captains in a military force, I don’t know why Captain Marvel,
Captain Marvell, Captain Fear, Captain Destiny, Captain Cold, Captain Comet,
Captain Atom, Captain Boomerang and ALL the others that use the Captain moniker
keep at it. At least Captain America was in the military and had
the actual rank of Captain.
Ferro Lad
Not withstanding DC
Comics obsession with adding “Lad” to names, this is what happens when another
comic book company has an idea for a character and steals the name that you
wanted. While I, as a grown-up realize without ever seeing this character
that he is going to do something with iron, most 8 year olds probably don’t
understand that Fe is the atomic symbol for iron, or that “ferrous” is an
adjective referring to iron. While I appreciate DC Comics trying to
educate comic book readers, sometimes you just have to dumb it down.
Matter Eater Lad
And so we’re
sticking with the whole “Lad” thing. Not only did they saddle him with
“lad”, but they also gave him an almost stupidly descriptive name. At
least Ferro Lad had a name that while descriptive, didn’t come out and say “I
turn into Iron”. Matter-Eater Lad, on the other hand, has exactly zero
mystery to what he can do. If you tell somebody that Matter-Eater Lad is
coming to help, you can pretty much guess how he’s going to help – he’s going
to eat something. The fact that they couldn’t go with with Jaws or
something dental in nature is just lazy writing.
Squirrel Girl
At first glance,
Doreen Green is a pretty cool character. Superhuman agility, retractable
claws, a prehensile tale (a bit inconvenient, but great for balance), and even
talking to squirrels could be handy when you consider the sheer number of them.
But Squirrel Girl? It’s just not going to inspire fear into somebody
like Magneto, or Apocalypse (a name that will inspire fear). I do
appreciate Marvel thinking outside the box a bit on her powers, but I really
want to believe that they could have come up with a better name for her.
Robin
In what world, is a
small, migratory bird, a suitable name for a sidekick to a character with a
name like Batman? Now, when Dick Grayson grows up he changes his name to
Nightwing, a far more awe-inspiring name, but the fact that Batman has kept calling
his junior sidekicks Robin implies that he thinks his name is too scary and
he’s trying to lighten up his image, or he’s hoping that while everybody is
laughing at the name of his sidekick he and Robin will be able to pummel their
opponents into submission.
Aqualad
It’s bad enough
being the sidekick to arguably one of the most mocked superheroes in history –
I mean the Aquaman jokes are legendary. But to just take his name and
switch out the “man” for “lad” is not only lazy, it’s uninspired. Hell,
calling yourself Minnow, or Guppie, or just about any other small creature of
the sea would be preferable to Aqualad. Not only does it perpetuate DC’s
unhealthy obsession with “lads”, it also forever associates you with the
failure that is Aquaman.
Nightcrawler
Kurt Wagner is an
X-Men favorite. One of their most loved characters, his ability to
teleport is something that we’ve all wished for at least once, and his ability
to accept people that hate him not only for being a mutant, but because of the
way he looks is nothing short of inspiring. But naming him after a worm?
It’s actually a bit insulting to such a great character.
Human Torch
Considering that
almost nobody in the Fantastic Four actually goes by their alter-egos – given
that they don’t hide their identities – it’s almost sad that Johnny Storm, a
character with a great REAL name, has such a lame superhero name.
Firestorm would have been great had it not been taken, but even just
Torch would be fine – most people actually call him that anyways.
Mr. Fantastic
Sticking with the
Fantastic Four, we have Reed Richards – Mr. Fantastic. In the running for
the most pretentious superhero name of all time, he’s basically turning the
team into Mr. Fantastic and the Fantastic Four given that his superhero name is
also the name of the group. Tone down the ego a bit Reed and change your
name that lets people know that you can stretch and bend to amazing lengths.
Catman
A character that
mimics both Catwoman and Batman all at once. Mimicing the cat motif of
Catwoman, while sporting a costume that looks like Batman with a different
color scheme, Catman went ahead and combined both their names into one, making
him one of the most unoriginal characters of all time. With any number of
large cats out there just waiting to have their names used, it’s sad that he
went with Catman.
Ant-Man
Hank Pym has used a
lot of alias’ through the years, but he was, first and foremost, Ant-Man.
While I do like the idea of creating a character that can alter his size,
my first thought would be to grow (which he would eventually be able to do,
taking the name of Giant-Man and Goliath). However, Marvel let Pym
shrink, and then topped it off by letting him talk to ants. Sure, there
millions of the things around at any given moment, but much like Squirrel Girl,
it’s just not a name that inspires fear.
Ariel/Sprite
Sure, Kitty Pryde
has been going by Shadowcat for a long time now, but there was a time that she
was known as Ariel and Sprite. While I will agree that coming up with a
superhero name for somebody with her powers that isn’t ghost themed is tricky,
she eventually came up with Shadowcat, so why she started with Ariel and Sprite
is beyond me. Neither of these imply what her powers are (which the X-Men
names tend to do), so I’m beyond curious as to where they came from.
3-D Man
He’s probably more
popular now than ever, though with a terrible costume, questionable powers, and
a name that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, it’s hard to imagine how.
His only real function in the past decade has been his ability to spot
Skrulls, otherwise I think it’s fair to assume that the 3-D Man would be off
living a 2-D life.
Power Man
While he’s back to
calling himself Luke Cage, at one time this New Avenger actually wanted people
to take him serious as Power Man. His costume probably didn’t help
things, but pretty much any superhero could use the name Power Man as they
almost ALL HAVE POWERS! It’s just uncreative and unbecoming of a pretty
good character with lots of depth. Definitely a wise choice to switch
back to calling himself Luke Cage.
Negasonic Teenage
Warhead
This is what
happens when you let goth kids name themselves. Not only is the name a
mouthful, it in no way represents her powers (telepathy and precognition).
This is easily one of the worst names ever applied to a comic book
character.
Marvel Girl
Quite possibly the
dumbest superhero name ever. While Jean Grey is certainly loaded with
powers even when she’s not walking around with the Phoenix Force, it’s hard to
be inspired to follow anybody into battle when there’s the possibility of
shouting “Marvel Girl, watch out!” While it was great when Jean got the
Phoenix Force and used Phoenix
as her name, the Marvel Girl was a failure that was probably just thrown in
there by Marvel writers to associate her with the comics. I wonder if the
characters within the books wonder what the hell a Marvel is from time to time.
~Blog Admin~
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