Dumbest Criminals of All Time (Part 1)

This is the first of a 4-part series, a total of 108 criminals in all....

Philadelphia police are searching for a suspect who reportedly exposed himself at the Bucks County Association for the Blind's bookstore around 2 p.m. on May 4, 2012. Reuters reports that, Pennsylvania law makes it illegal to expose one's privates if that person "knows or should know that this conduct is likely to offend, affront or alarm." Was this criminal mastermind aware of the statutes, and did he premeditate not only his crime, but also his alibi? Or did he cross that fine line from brilliance to stupidity when he failed to realize that not everyone in a bookstore for the blind would actually be blind? We may never know because the woman he flashed was not, in fact, blind, and he quickly ran off. Police have asked anyone who sees the person that fits this description to contact them: a skinny black man, about 5-foot-10, 35 to 45 years old, and wearing a black track suit. 

Justin S. Johnson (pictured) of Bloomfield, Ind., was detained by police in July 2010 after forging and then trying to cash a check for $1,000,000. A call came in to authorities from the manager at the Eastern Heights Branch of the Bloomfield State Bank after Johnson, 21, presented a check for one million dollars at the teller window, according to police. The bank teller obtained Johnson's drivers license, photocopied the license and then told Johnson she could not cash the check. The bank manager gave the photocopy to the police, leading them straight to Johnson's residence. Johnson was charged with forgery, with bail set at $10,000.

According to police in New Mexico, when 47-year-old Randy Malone (pictured) bummed a ride from an unidentified witness into the town of Las Cruces, he didn't seem to be the type who would light up a crack pipe in the car without asking, which is exactly what cops say he did. After the startled driver forced Malone from his car, police say he put the smoldering crack pipe back in his pants pocket, which caused his trousers and his prosthetic leg to catch fire. He was found by deputies naked on the side of Route 70 and was treated for burns on his leg, back and buttocks. As though this wasn't bad enough, he allegedly told police that his friends had set him on fire because he lost a bet in a drinking game, and were going to drop him off at the hospital, but panicked and left him on the side of the road. He was taken into custody at his home and charged with two counts of making a false report to officers. 

When Evansville, Ill., police accused Thomas Whitmer (pictured) of selling prescription pain pills and meth from his home they got an incriminating response. "Well, you're half right," Whitmer told officers, according to the police report. And it appears he was telling the truth. Investigators say they found dozens of pain pills and anti-anxiety medication in his house, but no methamphetamine. The report also says he told the cops he got the drugs from "everybody and anybody." Whitmer, 61, was arrested and was held without bond.

St. Petersburg, Fla., police now say Dwayne Davis, Jr. is the man shown on store surveillance video grabbing a man out of his car and pistol whipping him in June 2010. But rather than being detained by crackerjack investigative work by police, Davis accidentally turned himself in. He allegedly called police to ask why he was on a TV news station in a surveillance video featuring unsolved criminal cases. The station was running a story on crimes police were trying to solve in the area, and Davis reportedly phoned to find out why his picture was part of the story.

Planning a kidnapping and calling a private security company to help you carry out your plan? That's seriously stupid. Unfortunately for Carlton Rotach, (pictured) the police in Columbus, Ohio, have accused him of doing just that. After the security company contacted the police, detectives and SWAT officers posed as employees and met with Rotach. During the meeting he allegedly solicited the undercover officers to kidnap a former co-worker and hold her for ransom. Rotach, 21, was charged with complicity to kidnapping.

Alexander M. Lemke (pictured) allegedly stole a car from his Palm Harbor, Fla., neighbor in July 2010 and headed to the nearest McDonald's drive-through. Not having enough cash to satisfy his Big Mac attack, he tried to trade pot and prescription drugs for cheeseburgers, police say. Employees called the cops and according to the police report, a collection of drugs was found in the car's center console. Lemke, 20, is charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle, driving with a suspended license and eight drug-related charges.

Dennis Hawkins allegedly robbed a Swissvale, Pa., bank wearing a blond wig, fake breasts and clown pants. Check out the glamour shot in the surveillance photo, above. According to police, Hawkins' getaway plan was to carjack a vehicle belonging to an actual woman. His victim, though, responded by fleeing her car, taking the keys with her and calling the cops. Officers allegedly found Hawkins sitting in the parked car covered in red dye from the dye pack which exploded when he tried to open the money. "He would get my nomination for dumbest criminal, I think. Yeah, definitely different," said Swissvale Police Chief Greg Geppert. Hawkins, 48, was charged with bank robbery.

Move over Hamburglar, Ronald McDonald now has to deal with the "underwear bandit." Sharon Lain (pictured) clasped a Spanx girdle together with paper clips over her face and donned a blonde wig to swipe cash from a McDonald's drive-thru register, according to police in Midwest City, Okla. Officers questioned Lain, a former night shift manager at the same fast food eatery, after receiving a tip. She had been fired from the job a month ago and has allegedly copped to the crime. She was charged with second-degree burglary.

Oregon resident Arlayne Curiel (pictured) was mad as heck, and wasn't going to take it anymore. Sick and tired of her neighbors harassing her over the phone with accusations that she was having sex with an underage boy, Curiel, 24, called police in July 2009 to report them. After the police arrived and investigated, they promptly arrested her on charges that she had indeed been having sex with the 13-year-old. 

Lynda Briney (pictured) allegedly vandalized a Sacramento, Calif., yoga studio. Police say the walls were covered with crude graffiti, a window was broken and piles of garbage had been thrown all over the sidewalk. A glue-like substance was also found stuck to the door handles. Officers busted Briney by following a trail of toilet paper from the crime scene straight to her home. She was arrested and charged with felony vandalism. Briney allegedly targeted the studio after the owner turned her away from a class because she showed up drunk.

Gary M. Simpson, (pictured) was arrested in July 2010 in a Canton, Ohio, Walmart after a police officer who, was in the store for an unrelated matter, allegedly spotted the 27-year-old attempting to conceal something rather unconventional in his pants: a 22-inch LCD television. Simpson pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of theft, obstruction and resisting arrest. 

Amish teen Levi Detweiler (pictured) was driving a horse and buggy in July 2010 when he allegedly led Cattaraugus County, N.Y., sheriff's deputies on a chase after running a stop sign and refusing to pull over. That chase reportedly ended when Detweiler lost control of the rig and it overturned into a ditch. The teen then fled on foot. After a week-long investigation Detweiler, 17, was arrested and charged with underage drinking, reckless endangerment, overdriving an animal, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure to yield to an emergency vehicle.

Another diner at a McDonald's in Stuart, Fla., claimed he saw John W. Overman (pictured) watching dirty videos on his laptop, abusing both the restaurant's free wi-fi and himself. When deputies arrived, Overman immediately shut his computer, but an officer said he saw the perp's pants unzipped, exposing his genitals to other diners. Overman allegedly said, "I'm not doing anything wrong." But, deputies weren't lovin' it. Overman, 67, was arrested on misdemeanor charges of exposure of sexual organs and disorderly conduct.

Twenty-five-year-old David P. Delmore (pictured) allegedly drove off when Cottage Grove, Minn., police tried to pull him over for suspected drunk driving in July 2010. According to police, officers set up stop sticks, which Delmore drove over, blowing all four of his tires. Undeterred, cops say he got out of his truck and ran into the woods with a police dog hot on his heels. Four hours later, he was discovered naked, reeking of alcohol and covered in bug bites, knocking on someone's door. He also had a dog bite on his leg. Delmore claimed he was just trying to visit his grandmother. He was charged with reckless driving, fleeing a police officer and obstructing the legal process.

Ronald White (pictured) of Camden, N.J., was arrested for shoplifting. He was carrying $900 in his pocket, which would have covered what he allegedly filched. White (pictured) also had two outstanding warrants against him, so he was arrested. A judge put his bail at $400, which White paid for with his cash on hand. Police say they soon discovered some of the bills he used were bogus. But before they could track down White, the suspect returned to the jail to argue that he overpaid and wanted half his money back. He was allegedly carrying two additional counterfeit $20 bills. White, 25, was charged with counterfeiting.

Janelle and Steven Snyder (inset), of Fleming Island, Fla., allegedly threw a high school graduation party for their underage son featuring "beer pong" (pictured) as the entertainment. The couple, according to Florida authorities, then proceeded to post pictures of the party on Facebook. The couple is charged with holding an open house party and serving alcoholic beverages to underage persons.

Raymond Lewis Shepard (pictured) allegedly tried to rob a 69-year-old woman outside a South Daytona, Fla., Walmart by leaping onto her car hood and using a handgun to smash through the windshield. But he fumbled. And his gun fell into the victim's lap. The woman grabbed the pistol and turned it on him. Shepard fled into a getaway car. The suspect also dropped his cell phone, which had plenty of photos to help the victim identify him, say police. Shepard faces charges of attempted robbery with a firearm.

Dumb: A Racine, Wis., man vomits in the VIP area of a burlesque club and is asked to leave.

Dumber: The man decides he's OK to drive and allegedly plows his SUV through the front of the club.

Dumbest: When questioned by cops, he denies driving to the bar, telling officers "martians" had transported him there. But he admitted to seeing "some nice strippers." Keith Rasmussen (pictured) was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, reckless driving and hit and run.

Robert Edmonds (pictured) allegedly called 911 in June 2010 to report his Jaguar stolen from a Wadsworth, Ohio, diner. He told operators the car was gone so he walked home. But investigators say that's not exactly what happened and unfortunately for Edmonds, they have the surveillance tape to prove it. The video shows his car hitting an embankment, flying over a fence and crashing into a housing development's pool clubhouse. It also shows Edmonds getting out of the driver's seat and stumbling away. Edmonds, 28, is charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, reckless driving and making false alarms.

Gerard T. Ray (pictured) made life a little easier in June 2010 for cops in Louisville, Ky. Ray allegedly stole a utility trailer and then listed the hot rig for sale on Craigslist. That was mistake number one. The trailer's owner saw the posting and set up an appointment to take a look. The owner arrived to check it out and recognized the vehicle's distinct markings. "The gentleman that stole it didn't even have the thought to remove the reflective tape that we had on the trailer," the victim told police.
So that's mistake number two. When police arrived, Ray denied he was the seller. The officers then called the contact number listed in the Craigslist ad. The cell phone in Ray's pocket began to ring. Ray, 25, is charged with receiving stolen property.

Walter Bodi (pictured) was allegedly driving drunk around the parking lot of the Port Clinton, Ohio, Police Department in June 2010 - but operating the vehicle from the passenger seat. When officers questioned Bodi, he said he was moving the car to shady spot because the sun was too bright. The incident took place at 9 p.m. Police say that when they searched Bodi they found pot and drug paraphernalia, not to mention having a blood alcohol content of .228, almost three times the legal limit.

Jacob Walker (pictured) might admit to being "iDumb" after he attempted to trade a quarter ounce of marijuana and his old iPod for a new 32G iPad, according to police in Gilbert, Ariz. Walker, 20, allegedly posted this unique offer on Craigslist. He didn't skimp on the exclamation points, ending the ad with "let me know!!!!" and a crisp digital picture of the "quarter of DANK. Blue dream straight outta Cali." Walker got a bite on his posting and three people came on Wednesday eager to make the trade, however those people were detectives. Walker and 20-year-old Joseph Velarde, were both arrested.

Philadelphia man Theodore Milner (pictured) thought his day was going badly when he and a friend ran out of gas on the Interstate near Newark, N.J., on a Saturday night in June 2010. Things did look up when the 21-year old was able to flag down a police car for a ride to the nearest service station. What Milner knows now, and apparently did not know then, was that if you solicit a ride from a policeman, he may very well enter your name into his on-board computer and quickly discover if you have any outstanding warrants or court orders for your arrest. Milner allegedly had three such court orders. His luck didn't get any better after he was taken into custody where, police say, they found seven bags of marijuana and a digital scale in his book bag. He was charged with possession with the intent to deliver marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. 

The Platinum Bank in Lakeland, Fla., was robbed in May 2010, and Carlos Mitchell (pictured) was arrested in connection with it. Police say they discovered Mitchell, 25, had pictures on his phone showing him wearing a brown ski mask that matched the one used in the robbery as well as a photo of him holding a large amount of cash. According to the report, police also have video placing him in the bank the day before the robbery, and he was nabbed driving his mom's 2001 gold Chrysler Concorde, a car which allegedly matched the description of the one used in the crime. He faces a virtual mountain of charges: "three counts Armed Robbery, one count Possession Marijuana With Intent to Sell, one count Distribution of Marijuana Within 200 Feet of a School, one count Possession of Marijuana over 20 grams, two counts Resisting Arrest, one count Possession of Burglary Tools, two counts Burglary of a Structure, one count Attempted Burglary, one count Burglary of Dwelling, one count Grand Theft, one count Petit Theft, one count Criminal Mischief, and one count of driving without a valid license." 

James Rabbitz (pictured) is an EMT and ambulance driver who held up a Turkey Hill convenience store at knife point in May 2010 and made off with $200, according to police in Hazelton, Pa. The robbery was caught on the store's security camera and Rabbitz was swiftly identified as he was allegedly wearing his workplace uniform at the time of the crime.

Anthony Bishop (pictured) went through a terrible ordeal in May 2010 when two men put a gun to his head as he arrived at his Ohio home and ordered him inside. Bishop, 32, told police that the men tied him up with duct tape and stole three big screen televisions, two computers and other valuables before driving away in his Cadillac Escalade. Amazingly, police were able to make an arrest almost immediately after responding to Bishop's 911 call. Unfortunately for Bishop, it was he whom they arrested. While investigating his claim of being robbed, the police allegedly discovered a significant amount of marijuana growing in his basement, as well as drug paraphernalia. They charged him with cultivating marijuana.

Matthew Ray Creel (pictured) was pulled over for allegedly driving with a faulty headlight in May 2010. When Santa Fe, Texas, cops searched his car they say they found marijuana hidden inside a court order about an earlier marijuana possession citation. Creel, 21, was taken to Galveston County Jail and booked on a charge of possession of less than two ounces of marijuana.

Paul Hartness (pictured) of Boynton Beach, Fla., was reportedly bored and lonely. To bring a little excitement to his life, according to his local police, he decided to call police in California to report that he was sexually assaulting a teenage boy, when, in fact, he was all alone. Cops were able to trace the call to Hartness' home. Hartness, 42, was charged with filing a false report. 

After getting kicked out of his girlfriend's car in May 2010, Hollis Ashley (pictured) jumped into an unoccupied truck that had pulled into a gas station and drove off, according to police in Jones County, Miss. But, unluckily for Ashley, 36, he had allegedly stolen a vehicle filled with hazardous medical waste fitted with a governor preventing it from going faster than 60 mph. So, for obvious reasons, a high-speed chase did not ensue, and police say they arrested Ashley (pictured) after he got stuck in a ditch.

In April 2010, Yancy Terrell Cochran (pictured) tried to bail out his friend, who was in jail for unpaid parking tickets. But according to police, Cochran paid the Scott County, Iowa, Courthouse clerk six counterfeit $50 bills. The report says Cochran, 35, originally claimed he got the fakes from a check-cashing place, but later admitted making them at home. "It's not advisable bringing that in to pay fines," the Sheriff's Department said of the faux funds. Police searched his home and say they found a printer, scanner and paper used in making the home-brewed bucks. Cochran is charged with forgery, a felony punishable with up to five years in prison.

Source : http://www.trutv.com