If I’ve learned anything from popular
music it’s that one should rebel against anything for whatever reason as
frequently as possible. However, before you begin your rebellion be
sure to plan ahead first. Without long term plans you’re rage against
the machine isn’t going to get you much other than a tremendous military
loss and a lost cause.
The Servile Wars are a collection of
three rebellions lead by gladiators against the Roman Empire that kept
them enslaved. The efforts of the gladiators were ultimately met with
failure for a multitude of reasons, chief among them their lack of
military training compared to that of Roman soldiers. However, the third
conflict posed a direct threat to Italy as the band of gladiators grew
from an initial seventy men to over one-hundred thousand. Their army
also found leadership in Spartacus, a soldier turned gladiator. The
gladiators wandered through the empire, raiding whenever they pleased
and generally making good with the whole rebellion thing. The band won
many battles against all forms of Roman military, from patrol to
legions, and the public lived in a constant state of fear.
The Slip-Up:
In the face of continued
losses on the battlefield the Roman Senate created eight legions
strictly to bring the gladiators down and end the war. Each legion
contained nearly six-thousand men and was placed under the command of
Marcus Licinius Crassus, who was immortalized with a large disembodied
head, as was the fashion at the time. The battle that would ultimately be the end of the war was, at first,
in the gladiators’ favor. Spartacus’ forces routed two legions before
Crassus stepped in with the remaining six. The gladiators suffered heavy
losses, but it got worse: legions returning from Pompey were called
upon for reinforcements. Spartacus attempted to negotiate with Crassus
but wasn’t successful. In the face of certain “gonna’ get messed up”
Spartacus and his army charged against the approaching legion and were
promptly messed up. Before the charge many of the gladiators had decided to call it a day
and fled the battlefield. Pair that with the losses they suffered in
combat and the gladiators were easily outmatched.
2. Yellow Turban Rebellion (184 – 205 CE)
At the time of the Yellow Turban
Rebellion the Han Dynasty of China was facing growing dissent from
farmers who had been forced to seek employment in the face of famine,
landowners who exploited the farmers to expand their fortunes, and
floods along the Yellow River. Across the board taxes had been raised to
pay for various fortifications. These taxes primarily target the poor.
Soon the peasant class began forming private armies to serve up some
poor people justice. Meanwhile, most people accepted that the government
was corrupted from within and that the wealthy had gained almost total
control of the emperor. If that’s not the perfect set up for rebellion
then I don’t know what is.
The Slip-Up:
Zhang Jiao was the ultimate
leader of the rebellion. Originally a religious healer, many of the
people he treated were the abused under class citizens that would
eventually make up his army. The Yellow Turban Army was concentrated to
three different provinces throughout the country and easily established
footholds in these locations. Initially they earned easy military
victories because the government was preoccupied with finding traitors
in the capital city. However, once the army organized the rebels’
strength also proved to be their weakness; they held their three
locations and rarely moved beyond them. As a result their numbers grew
slowly. One by one their bases were lost to advancing government forces
and the rebellion was put down. Remaining Yellow Turbans tried to spark
rebellions after the defeat but were too small to cause much opposition.
3. Whiskey Rebellion (1971-1974)
Before the ratification of the United
States Constitution the still-developing America met expenses by
borrowing money abroad because the government itself lacked a reliable
form of income. However, the country and individual states quickly
amassed a huge debt. As a practical solution to this problem president
George Washington levied a new tax on whiskey. Simple, right? Wrong. Westerners felt that the tax
unfairly targeted them. Whiskey, already a popular drink in the region,
was also a secondary means of income for farmers. States began
organizing conventions to make their grievances known while actively not
paying the tax. The newly born United States of America had it’s first
hissy fit, and it was over alcohol.
The Slip-Up:
Non-violent protesting was
short lived. Acts of violence against tax collectors ensured that the
taxes would go unpaid for years. The peak of the resistance was the
“battle” of Bower Hill; protestors surrounded and fired into the home of
army General Neville who had been assigned to issue subpenas in
Pennsylvania. On the second day of the conflict the rebel forces were
six-hundred strong. Neville’s own force consisted of ten men. The two
clashed, only to see the home destroyed and at least one U.S. soldier
killed. After Bower Hill the resistance gained more momentum, especially
in Pennsylvania. However, one thing the rebels weren’t
counting on was George Washington using his tremendous balls. After
raising an army of twelve-thousand men Washington attempted negotiations
with the rebels. He knew the talks were going to fail, however, and
sent the army soon after. Before the troops even arrived the rebels
surrendered. A love of booze simply doesn’t trump guns.
4. Taiping Rebellion (1850 – 1864)
The notion that history repeats itself
holds true with the Taiping Rebellion. Many of the elements that sparked
the Yellow Turban Rebellion were present and caused the public to view
their government as being ineffective. After embarrassing defeats by
foreign armies the people of China had all but lost faith in those who
were in control. Normally this wouldn’t be all that notable. However, if
you throw a crazy guy into the mix and things get interesting. Hong Xiuquan suffered a long illness
after failing the imperial examinations. This illness eventually became a
vision from God: Hong was the younger brother of one Jesus Christ and
was tasked with the mission of riding China of its corrupt government.
People began flocking to him and soon this sect began to combat bandits
and pirates as a means to arm themselves. In light of these successes
Hong’s message spread and the sect grew.
The Slip-Up:
In their first year the
Heavenly Kingdom (as the sect became to be known) had successfully
routed imperial troops out of the Guangxi province. As Hong made new
allies he quickly grew suspicious and had them axed, leaving much of the
group in his direct command. Eventually a cousin of Hong’s joined the
rebellion and helped expand their power into more provinces. Still, this
one ally did little to filter Hong’s ideas into usable tactics or long
term plans. Imperial forces gained the upper-hand
after gaining reinforcements from western armies. In the face of
increasing losses, Hong declared that God would protect the city of
Nanjing, a stronghold for the Heavenly Kingdom. God then killed Hong via
food poisoning and the city fell to the imperial army, crushing the
rebellion with it. Hong’s remains were eventually fired out of a cannon
as a means of punishment for causing one of the deadliest wars in human
history.
Source : http://roadtickle.com
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