Several time ago, Made Man posted a little story called 5
Beers No Man Should Drink After 25. Once it had been shared on Facebook over
18,000 times, we figured it was high time we applied the same reasoning to
mixed drinks. And having tended bar at all manner of establishments, and taken
all manner of embarrassing orders, I feel highly qualified to opine on this
subject. Still in college? Keep downing the drivel. Waving goodbye to bro on
your way to man? Time to take these kiddie cups off the menu.
This listing includes but is not limited to: Long Island Iced Teas, Long Beach
Iced Teas, Tokyo Teas, Adios MFs and whatever other four-spirit monstrosities
today’s youths have conjured up. The days of trying to get as drunk as
possible, as quickly and as cheaply as possible. should be over by now. And few
drinks are as capable as these are at being bright, shining, neon-colored
beacons to the world that say “I'm cheap and have no taste. I hope you are
too."
Jägerbomb
I know, I know, I endorsed them in my Super Bowl drinks piece. But generally
speaking, if you're over 25 and still have aspirations of frat boy
drink-a-thons, at least try to disguise it like bartenders do with a Cynar bomb
or a shot of Fernet. That way people think you've got some class.
Shooters
I think you get the theme by now. Purple Hooters, Jolly Ranchers and Gummi
Bears belong to a world you are no longer a part of. Let go. Note: Were I to
make a list called The 5 Most Emasculating Drinks a Man Can Order, these would
jump straight to top.
Vodka + Energy Drink
Has there ever been a more disgusting way to sneak narcotics past your tongue
and into your system? Either man up and get something worth tasting or pop some
pills and order a lemonade. By 25 you’ve become a G.A.M. (Grown Ass Man). Now
drink like one or face the alternative; slowly turning into that creepy old guy
hanging at the club with his fancy shirt. You know, the one with the gaudy
print inside the cuffs and collar, sipping on what? This drink.
Choose Your Own Ingredient Drinks
And finally we get to the worst of the worst. All the prior drinks are ordered
by guys who just haven't taken the next step in drinking and need a push. But
when a guy orders a “Goose and soda with a splash of cran, but shake it... and
two limes... in a rocks glass” it’s clear he’s trying desperately to look cool
while having no idea what he’s doing. It’s the lowest form of bar insecurity.
It’s also the worst kind of douchebaggery, the kind where you think you're
sophisticated and superior. At least the Jägerbomb guy revels in and admits his
douchebaggery. Fun fact: I may be a male mixologist, but I can tell you for a
fact no hot female bartender will be impressed, either.
Source : http://www.mademan.com
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