Tivo and Digital recording technology
allows us to fast forward through commercials. Ad block plus and pop up
blockers handle them on the net. Hollywood knows whats up, and have
for years. And every once in awhile they will blatantly sell out just
to show us that they can bend the entertainment world over and plunge
their p**** of advertising deep into our brains.
The Italian Job (The Remake)
Released May 11, 2003 The Italian Job is a movie about a gold heist. In
a typical breach of criminal code, a thief steals gold from his fellow
thieves. The remedy? Steal it back, of course! Using Mini Coopers. How’d they do it? They (Includes
Marky-Mark) modified three BMW Mini Coopers to be extra light, but carry
a lot of weight. Then they drove them through all sorts of California
roads, sewers, and various other tight spaces.
Knight Rider (The remake)
As you may remember from the good old days of
pre-drunken-hamburger-fit David Hasselhoff, he starred in a TV show
called Knight Rider. The show featured a Pontiac Trans Am muscle car
known as KITT (Knight Industries Two Thousand) that could talk,
auto-pilot, had personality, and likely hid Mr. Hasselhoff's booze stash
whenever pulled over.
When the new series came out in 2008, it featured a
2008 Ford Shelby GT500KR Mustang. Why? Because Ford paid them. That’s
right, the iconoclastic TransAm was replaced with a mustang. We’re not
saying it’s a bad car, we’re just saying one should be enough.
Seriously, Ford, you paid and agreed with NBC to advertise the Ford
Mustang. Did you really have to work KITT’s transforming into an F-150
4X4 pickup, an E-150 van, a Flex, and a Crown Victoria Interceptor, into
the plot as well? In what was clearly a reach-around deal, Ford also
helped promote the series, while the series obviously promotes Ford. Is
it any coincidence the Shelby GT500 is designated KR for the retail
market? While many say no, we say “We’ll put you on the front page for a
week if we can have one.”
Demolition Man
Ahh, Demolition Man. Who can forget the Sly Stalone movie you never
knew whether to laugh or shake your head at. It was clearly laughable,
especially when one is left to ponder the replacement of toilet paper by
the ‘3 shells.’ Set in 2032, the movie is basically a pseudo Utopian
society where violent crime is practically unheard of. Thus, when a
famous violent criminal is released from cryogenic prison, no one is
prepared for his escape and ensuing mayhem on the city. The product
placement come’s about a third of the way through the movie. Still
baffled by society, Sly wants to go on a date with Sandra Bullock (and
seriously, who doesn’t?) so she suggests they go to Taco Bell. Sly looks
hurt, and comments on how Taco Bell is, even by today’s standards, only
borderline ‘food.’ Sandra then says, “After the franchise wars, every
restaurant is a Taco Bell.”
That includes fancy Italian restaurants,
Bistro, everything. Although, since anything bad for you is illegal
(including alcohol, caffeine, contact sports, non-educational toys,
meat, spicy and unhealthy food, table salt and tobacco). Considering
that, one has to wonder just how that Taco Bell stays in business. And
for all you non-American readers out there, all releases of the movie in
countries other than the United States replaced Taco Bell with Pizza
Hut.
Castaway
In Cast Away, Tom Hanks is a high ranking employee in a shipping
company and on a fateful three hour tour delivery flight, his plane
crashes into the ocean off course and he is the only survivor. Did we
mention the name of his company? Don’t worry, the movie did it enough
for us. (Try to Youtube search a montage of every FedEx/Wilson mention)
Yeah, that’s FedEx. Mentioned countless times, countless logos, and even
repetitions of their slogans dot the movie.
Then there’s Tom’s best friend on the island. Finally succumbing to
curiosity and the need to survive, he opens the packages, save one,
washed ashore from the plane (while muttering something about the FedEx
integrity) and finds a Wilson volley ball. He names it Wilson after
leaving a bloody hand print on it and giving it a face. Wilson gets
almost as much screen time as Hanks (and far more than any other
character) and eventually gets lost prior to rescue. Tom almost dies
trying to save his volley ball friend, and one of the most well-known
movie cries of all time was birthed in his cry for his lost friend.
While we were unable to dig up payment by FedEx for their role in the
movie, Wilson released this volleyball to capitalize on their ‘co-star.’
Then Fedex capitalized on the unopened package.
You’ve got mail
Do
we even have to go that deep into this one? Anyone who’s ever used the
internet and e-mail knows the charming glib ‘You’ve got mail’ that plays
every time someone with AOL logs in and has new e-mail messages. It’s
the title of the movie, the chime plays at least a dozen times
throughout the movie. Arguably, it’s the best placement ever because
they never ACTUALLY had to say the name of the product (AOL), but
everyone recognized it immediately.
While no money reportedly changed hands
in the making of this movie (by Warner Brothers), less than 2 years
later, AOL merged with Time Warner, the parent company of Warner
brothers. This movie was likely the catalyst in that transaction. The
movie did make one crucial mistake regarding the e-mails. In 1998, they
were received immediately, rather than going through all the buffers,
filters, servers, and providers, causing your e-mail to take just as
long as snail-mail. That and the nerve racking SCREECH kshhhhhhh
grrrrwarblewarblewarble of the internet connecting.
ET
Concluding
our list for today is ET. It’s the movie about that alien who looked
kind of like a heap of rumpled foreskins and liked Reese’s Pieces far
more than any human should. Ok, so that’s not quite true. Reese’s Pieces
are a heavenly mixture of peanut butter and colored chocolate shell we
should all indulge ourselves in regularly. We can has moneyz nao?
Steven Spielberg approached Mars to try
and place M&Ms into the movie, but they declined, likely stating
they didn’t want their product associated with foreskin. He then tried
Hershey, wanting to use Hershey’s Kisses. Probably realizing a squirming
pile of foreskins trying to open Kisses repeatedly would make you
vomit, they said to stick with the Reese’s Pieces, causing their product
sales to jump nearly 65% immediately, according to the always truthful
Wikipedia. Also, there was about a million dollars inked out in
exchange for placement, which is like, a bajillion of today’s dollars.
Source : http://www.alltopmovies.net
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